This past week has been a week of ups and downs for me emotionally. I head back to work tomorrow after 8 wonderful weeks spent with my munchkin. I honestly never thought I would love being a mom this much, I never thought I would be that lady NOT wanting to work and just stay at home with my baby, but this little girl has stolen my heart and the thought of leaving her everyday just breaks my heart. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to have a baby, but I just wasn't ready for this wave of emotion that came with it. One of my girlfriends said it best when she said having kids is like having your heart live and breath outside of your body. If I could have it another way I would just call it quits, and trust me I have tried and tried again to make it work financially, but it just can't happen.
I know so many women work, some of my closest friends have babies and work and they are surviving and happy. I know that over time it will get easier (or so I am told). I know that at the end of day Raegan knows that I am her mom and that she loves me. But that is my biggest fear. That someone else will be raising my baby, that someone else gets to see all the "firsts" and that someone else will win over the heart of my daughter. There are always so many opinions from people between staying home with your kids or being a working mom. I heard someone say once "why have kids if you are never going to be around for them", oh I just wanted to hit her! Seriously lady do you think I WANT to leave every day. Do you think I WANT to not be around from 7 - 5 everyday. NO!! But there are bills that need to be paid and futures to save for. So why don't you just shut your face.
This past week I have just tried to soak up every moment. Soak up every sweet smile, every coo, every grunt. Time flies by just too fast. I know I just have to feel what I feel. Go with the emotions and just be grateful that I was trusted with this little life and love her and not let my feelings get in the way of the time that I do have with her. Being a mom was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Soaking up our last week together
2 comments:
good luck katie! she's a gem!
I was saying the same thing just before I went back to work and one of our friends told me that if she could choose a time to stay home with the baby, she would do it when she's two years old and you can take her to the zoo and talk about the animals together. I thought that was a good point, I still wanted to be at home with him, but it was a good point nonetheless!
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